RIP to my toaster

And I had nothing to do with it. 

Oliver

uodate

If this baby doesn't come before tomorrow [friday] at 8am then COMMENCE INDUCTION! Not my favorite outcome of this lovely pregnancy but it's nice to have a finite end in sight. They'll start with the least chemical method and work up from that. 

I'm hoping this kid hops on the lets get born train and comes before any inducing needs to take place. I've been contracting fairly consistently all night. It's now 5 am and they're still around. Even after trying to distract myself with toast and Game of Thrones [snore]. I should mention that all night means since 1:49 am which is when I woke up. And have been awake since then. I just thought of all the things I need to do. I need to write an instruction sheet out about Lady the idiot. I need to buy bananas. Etc. Also, why is the bananas thing keeping me awake? Seriously brain. Go. To. Sleep. 

Whenever this kid comes, I'm excited. I'm getting a little nervous for the hard parts of labor and recovery but I'm so sooo excited to have this little squirmy out. He's going to be adorable. Plus I won't be pregnant for the first time in a jillion years. Hooray! 

Oh Oliver. Come out please? The 13th is a great day to be born. Just ask Alivia [happy birthday Alivia!], aunt Carrie your great aunt Carrie I guess.., and all the other people that were born today. Not a bad one in the bunch. 

I should try and sleep. I hear that's going to be hard to come by in the next couple months. 

This happened yesterday. I couldn't believe I could button it. Especially after my belly grew 3cm from last week. Wwwhat?!? Also ignore the dog remote. We've been taking this obedience thing a lot more seriously now that our little guy will be here any day. She has to learn that she can't superman whatever she wants. And no butt runs in the house. Dang I wish I had video evidence of a butt run. It's simultaneously the funniest and stupidest thing that Lady does. 

41

41 weeks.  That was the belly picture I never thought I'd be taking.  I took it.  It's big, the belly that is.  This baby will come out eventually.  Until then, I'd like to go into hiding.  Great news though!  The sun is shining.  It's 50 degrees out.  The windows are open and the dog is napping happily in the sun.  It's beautiful out!  It'd be a great day to be born I think.

Lady finds the bump convenient for snuggling.  She will miss it.

Sigh...

in which my dog destroys her neon green bone to make me crazy

Seriously.  I get the dustbuster out to clean up those tiny green particles that she spreads across the carpeting and she goes right back at it.  It's like she has a vendetta against clean floors.  Actually, I'm pretty sure that's 100% true.  Shame on me for buying her the neon green bone I guess...

Have I mentioned I'm still pregnant?  According to the midwives I'm 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant today.  But in my heart, I know I'm 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant, so stick that in your ear midwives.  But don't, because you're so kind.  The one I met with today told me not to even worry about talking about induction until next week.  She and the other midwife are convinced that this little guy will come on his own terms.  I guess they would know better than me.  I don't let them tell me my progress when they check me because I don't want to get all up in my head about it and stall labor more.  Or just be crazy about it.  

I'm thankful that he waited for me to finish my exam for school.  I got a 90 on it, and not to be braggy, but I feel pretty bombass about that.  I'm technically "overdue" and I was able to get an A on a test in a very hard class.  Boom.  But now that that's out of the way, let's get things going kid!  I even got ahead in my other class last night to try and be ahead of the game.  For the record, what is it about 1 credit classes being the biggest time suck of all?  What a joke.  The hoops that I have to jump through to earn one credit makes me want to go crazy.  Hopefully I can get far enough ahead so as to finish this class early.  Fingers crossed.  

Justin is getting antsy for our baby to arrive too.  Every morning he asks me if today is the day.  And every morning I say with quite a lot of conviction that no, it isn't.  I have no idea when this kid will come, just that everyone is starting to drive me crazy by asking.  Especially the pastor, whose calls I have been ignoring for weeks.  Those ones bother me the most.  

If I don't have this baby tomorrow, I'm getting myself some Fro-yo.  It's going to be delicious.  Peanut butter and espresso please.

Is that weird?

zen

Today marks 40 weeks pregnant. 40 weeks is 10 months. That's almost a year. Today marks 40 weeks pregnant and I'm 99% sure I will be pregnant when I wake up tomorrow. And for the first time in almost a year, I'm fine with that. 

I'm in awe that I made it all the way to the end. At 29 weeks I was scared he'd come any day. I beat myself up and asked the cosmos why my body wasn't made for pregnancy? Why couldn't I do this? But today I'm 40 weeks pregnant. And I did it. My body can be pregnant. It can grow a healthy, wild, funny little boy all the way until whenever that boy decides to join us on the outside. He's so much like both Justin and me already it's almost eerie. And the fact that I can pin point his certain personality traits is eerie too. But we've spent almost a year together. Both of us growing and changing simultaneously. He's active like his dad. An early riser like his dad. He's fiercely stubborn like both of us. And he absolutely will not be rushed, like his mother. I feel like we're on the same page today. He's saying to me, "mom I'm coming, just give me some time." And I know what that means. He'll get here when he's supposed to. I'm completely at peace with that. Namaste pregnancy. 

Namaste Lady too. 

on bad attitudes

When you have a bad attitude, whether because you are STILL pregnant or because you stubbed your toe one too many times today, it is important to try a few tricks to improve your outlook.  Here are my suggestions.

1. Clean your stove top.  It's amazing how this makes you feel like you have a new lease on life.  However, if you nested all weekend and you and your husband spent approximately 60 minutes total working on said stovetop and it's spotless, you'll have to try another method.

2. Accomplish a task that has been bothering you.  Dust off your chandelier or fan!  Get on top of your laundry pile!  Change all the sheets in the house!  What's that?  You've done that too?  Moving along...

3. Incorporate bacon into your life.  Bacon is delicious and fatty.  Two things that should make your soul sing.  If you've done this and it still hasn't done the trick, move to item number 4.

4. Take a shower and get pretty.  You don't feel like it?  Neither do it.  Let's rock the messy bun and yoga pants look out, girl!

5. Eat some chocolate.  Oh right.  You already ate it all.  That explains the exponential growth of your derriere.

6. Get out of the house!  It's another polar vortex, did you hear?  Doesn't that make you want to haul your whale-sized self out into the world to walk around the mall and dream about the clothes you don't fit into, or hit up the grocery store for either yogurt pretzels or the necessary ingredients to make rice crispy bars that your husband will not eat because he's started a new diet?  Me either.  But holy marshmallows could I go for a rice crispy bar.  Double the marshmallow.  

I see that I'm getting no where with this list, as you're being particularly stubborn today so I'm giving up.  I might suggest you do what Lady did and just go back to bed. Good luck!

still here

I've lost count of the number of people that have texted asking if the baby is here yet.

He isn't.  I got my pedicure last week.  I had about 4 nights of fake labor pains.  I nested ALL DAY on Saturday until I fell asleep at 5 pm.  We still made it for our dinner reservations though.  Justin ordered duckling.  I was pretty nervous it would look like a duckling.  Thankfully, it didn't.  I wore high heels to dinner.  I'm 11 thousand months pregnant and I wore high heels.  You can mail me my medal.

Yesterday I had a complete emotional meltdown about everything from my glasses being crooked to the fact that I'm still pregnant.  Funnily enough, later on that day my glasses broke!  I knew something was wrong with them.  We also went to the TJ Maxx and got a basket for to hide our blankets in the corner.  And then we went to the Lowes and got some lavender seeds for to detoxify our air.

I forgot to eat dinner last night.  Actually, I've got pretty much zero appetite [unless you're offering yogurt pretzels, then I have all of the appetite], except at 2 am I was pretty hungry but to stubborn to get up.  Other than the normal sharp belly pain where my poor muscles don't want to stretch, I feel excellent today.  Better than I have in weeks.  I can move around.  I have energy.  I have no heartburn and only minimal nausea.  No noticeable contractions.  I even bought a pair of 3 inch heels for my brother's wedding in a couple weeks.  I rock at this pregnant in heels thing... I think I'll probably be pregnant forever and this is my body resigning to it.  Crap.

Now because I have nothing else to say.  And because I should be studying for the exam that I'm taking two days after Mr. Oliver is due [double crap!].  Pictures!

This was on sale.  I died.  Then bought it.

Snuggle pooch.  He pulled her into this hug.  She loved it.

She just looks like she's trying to tell me something and I am not sure what it is.

This is the look you make when your person won't share his pistachios, even though you don't like pistachios.  

I will look back on this picture and think that I'm huge, but looking at it right now make me think "I'm not that big.  Am I?"

snnnnooooow

I'm tired of snow.  We've absolutely gotten dumped on this year.  I can barely see out of the driveway when I pull out the snow is piled so high.  When I went to let Lady out this morning, she saw it was snowing and started shivering before she was even outside.  She's pathetic.  Have I mentioned that yet?
Also I'm 38 weeks pregnant now.  That's a lot of weeks.  I thought I was in labor last night after walking around with my friend at the mall for two hours, but no luck.  The contractions stopped for no reason at all.  What a disappointment!

Now I need to be positive about something.  Hmmm.  I slept from about 10 pm to 3:57 am without waking up once last night!  Which is amazing.  Lady and I didn't really get in a fight today.  Which is also amazing.  It's only just now getting dark at 5:55 pm, bringing hope to the future that spring may come.  Also we have warm weather in the future!  [35 degrees is pretty much tropical after this winter].  Let's melt that snow!

Bump update:

Pardon the shirt that doesn't fit.  I have about 2 shirts that fit.  I wish I was kidding...

This is what we did all day.  When it isn't sunny out, she decides she's allowed on the couch.  She was in bed, but got lonely and started crying and had to come down to join me.  Seriously, pathetic.

happy valentine's day

I'm making a flipping ice cream cake.

I told Justy B. if this baby didn't come by today, I was making a dang ice cream cake.  Except I sent it via text.  And when I text, I spell things wrong.  And one of the things I spell wrong is ice cream.  My texting brain thinks it's one word [it also thinks "every time" is one word.  It's a phenomenon I cannot explain].  I accidentally taught my phone to spell "ice cream" as one word.  However I taught it in caps lock so I told Justin:

If this baby isn't here by Friday, I'm making a dang ICECREAM cake

Anyways.  Layer one is in the freezer.  I bought gluten free chocolate cookies to make into fudgie crunchies.  This is going to be unhealthy.  And contribute to the three pounds I gained in the past week.  Seriously, I'm winning at gaining weight.  I can't wait for dessert.  I don't even care about dinner.  Which is steak on the grill.  Which we're having because I love Justin.  I'm still not sure how I feel about the grill.

Also we meet with the doula tomorrow.  And I'm going to try and find someone to walk around the mall with me.  And I'm getting a pedicure next week.  And I'm in such a better mood today and yesterday than I've been in lately about being pregnant.  Also, don't even start a sentence with the word "and".

For a final comment on the day, when I was at the old Hyvee grocery store, there was a creepyish guy walking around with ZERO groceries.  He just kept popping up.  He gave me those creepy, skeeved out feelings.  I was on the phone with my mom, so someone would know if I got abducted.  Although I'd be an annoying adductee, all pregnant and whiney like this.  Anyway, as I was walking to find some tea tree oil, I looked ahead of me and lo!  There he was, with his hand down the back of his pants scratching his bum.  And now you're skeeved too.

the toaster situation

I'm not particularly fond of toasters.  I don't go around eating much toast because A. I don't make my own bread very often. B. When I do have bread, it's usually store bought and that's expensive as all get out and C. I prefer french toast than regular toast.

I went off toasters in college when I lived in the world's smallest apartment with a teeny kitchen closet.  Not a closet in the kitchen.  The kitchen was in a closet.  You could see where they took the doors off, the hinges were still there.  Anyways, there was about 1 square foot of counter space and I added about 6 square feet more with a microwave cart that I set my microwave upon and effectively ate up about 4 of those square feet.  Also the 2 square feet left folded down so I had more room to get around the world's smallest apartment.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I couldn't bring all of my kitchen accouterments to live with me, so the toaster was eliminated.  She stayed in a purple rubbermaid container for about 2 and half years and was forgotten.  I learned to make toast under the broiler.  This is a thrilling endeavor because it's either not done enough or burnt to all hell in a period of about 48 seconds.  It takes a while longer than a toaster, but with some planning, it's not a big deal.  Plus if you want 3 pieces of toast, then you can make 3 pieces on one go, dangit!

I come from a house that possesses two toasters.  The "gluten" toaster and the "gluten free" toaster.  Oh the stress and hassle.  In my current house, we don't have this issue because the only gluten items are the beer in the basement and the dog food [also in the basement].

Now to my point, last night, Justin informed me that he wanted to buy a $10 toaster to bring to work.  This sounded dumb to me because don't all work places have a break room with a toaster?  [the break room is far too far away].  You don't need a toaster because we're going to try and eat healthier once this baby comes and that certainly doesn't involve toast [but can't I toast paleo bread?] <- Joke's on him, that stuff will fall apart so fast, his head will spin.  Well fine, if you feel like you need a toaster, just take our's. [BUT THEN WE WON'T HAVE A TOASTER HERE] Of course my rebuttal was that we have an oven which is better than a toaster anyways.  He disagrees.  So I guess that joker is going to buy a toaster for work.  Also I'm supposed to be hardboiling eggs as we speak because I said I would if I didn't go into labor and would you look at that?  I'm not in labor.

This is all very uninteresting.  Just wait until I get inspired to write about the butter knife that I don't trust in my drawer.

on your mark...get set...wait an indefinite amount of time.

Welp. 37 weeks. Here we are. You and me and a baby still cooking in my belly. Today I unsubscribed from Motherhood Maternity emails, which I'm sure cemented this gestational period as lasting until 152 weeks. I'm just done. I have zero maternity clothes on today, which means I have the underbelly of a fat alcoholic bald man. And I'm ok with that. I'm not going anywhere. 

The only labor signs I've had are all fake. The backaches and hip pain, cramping, nausea, over emotional states, and extreme anxiety about repotting my houseplants are just nothing. I figured out yesterday that I'm never going to have this baby. I'll be pregnant until the fat lady sings and the cows come home and until I can think of another cliche. Which will take forever because I'm too tired. 

Ollie is flipping and flopping around my uterus like a pinball. Left and right. High and low. He's well acquainted with my liver and my bladder. He's made friends. Plus it's warm in there. Why leave? 

I realize that pregnancies last 38-42 weeks. And that I technically have anywhere from 3-5 weeks left but holy cow. I didn't realize the 5 weeks part actually. Excuse me while I go cry. Do jumping jacks. Hold a seance. Eat a whole pineapple. Etcetera and so forth. Can you tell I'm getting desperate? 

Zero effort put forth towards my appearance. 

Lady is tired of being pregnant too. Also she gets the pillow when I'm done with it, right?

following directions

The other day I freaked out and ordered a bunch of stuff for Baby O [new nickname ala my co-worker's kids]. Today I got the pack and play amongst a host of other things that Lady had to examine and be suspicious about. She's watching you, diaper pail! 

Our previous try at a temporary sleep solution took us two days to assemble [someone doesn't utilize instructions], so when we ordered this one J said "you put it together." 

Challenge accepted! It wasn't a challenge though. It took about 5 minutes. The instructions were just pictures with arrows. Needless to say, I'm happy we exchanged the old one for this one. 

Lady was a big help as you can see. I'd be lost without her. 

36 weeks!

We made it to 36 weeks!  I can officially do whatever I want.  Go to a rave?  Ok!  Bungee jump?  Go for it.  Go to work?  Yeah, that probably isn't going to happen.  Along with the other things, since I can barely walk around Target without feeling like my feet are going to fall off and like my back is breaking.  Plus I don't feel safe being this pregnant around potentially violent adolescents.  And walking around on ice/slush/snow.  I almost fell last night on our friend's driveway leaving their Super Bowl party.  Justin yelled at me.  Because I was trying to fall down...

I have my first exam for school this week, so hopefully I can get that taken without Ollie intervening beforehand.  I do have to say, these contractions are getting stronger.

I especially noticed them today when I was out putting together the perfect outfit for this kid for my older brother's wedding in April.  It may seem like I'm rushing a little bit but apparently this is how I nest, plus I had a coupon.  This is what I came up with.

Best dressed baby in the history of all the babies.

He can come any day now, he's allowed.  No one is going to stop him.  We'll see iff he wants to cook longer or if he wants to bust out to freedom.  I know which one I'm hoping for...

fridizzle

There are so many reasons that I'm glad it's Friday. For one, I get Justin all weekend. We can finish our monster of a guest bathroom. We can eat breakfast. We can make smoothies [that might just be me. Hello smoothie kick.] We can tandem do homework. Ahh like the good old days when we met. But I think he did the homework and I played solitaire on his computer while singing along to whatever was on his iTunes. 

For the record. 20 year old Justin had the BEST iTunes library. From excellent rap remixes circa 1994 to Freebird to everything Kenny Chesney ever sang. 

Tonight we're going out to dinner with friends to celebrate being almost 36 weeks. But also one friend has a birthday tomorrow. And also we're halfway through the worst two months of the year [I loathe the uarys]. So hell! Let's celebrate. Except Megan's clothes don't fit... 

Sunday is the Super Bowl so I'm making a crock pot 'o' chili and we're trucking over to a Super Bowl party to eat and carry on. However, I doubt I'll eat much. I'm still weirded out by chili and my appetite wanes as the day goes on. I heard a rumor that there might be a smoked rib cook off though. Justin is excited. And dang I want a smoker. 

Ollie is getting bigger by the day. My stomach and liver can attest to that. And the contractions are starting to change too. A little bit more pain is coming with them now and a couple of them made my face flush and I got too hot. Weird. I'm pretty certain he has dropped, or is dropping because my belly looks lower and my heartburn isn't such a nuclear burn anymore. We have an appointment next Tuesday to check positioning and do the dreaded swabs [shudder]. I'm half tempted to have them check and see if there are any changes, since I'll be disrobed anyways... We'll see. And now I leave you with this. 

Someone needed attention. 

817

There were 817 photos on my iPhone when I emptied it this evening.  That's a lot considering I've done NOTHING lately...  I'd say 87% of them were of a certain pit bull that is currently trying to get into trouble in the kitchen.  Here are some of my favorites.

Bathroom mirror situations.  I can't resist a huge mirror...

Various Lady Pictures

This...

Friends!

He's still so cute.  Can't wait to meet him!

Lady needing a cuddle.

Little green jeans.  I'm dying.

35 weeks pregnant and I accomplished this.  Proud?

The nursery coming along.

And the real user of the pregnancy pillow.  Sorry she's not sorry.

email of desperation

I sent this to my mom last night.  It explains how crazy pregnancy hormones are.

[censored version]

The following are reasons why I am going to lose my $h!7:

1. The faucet drip drip dripping. It's becoming more frequent and louder. It's like the crocodile with the clock in his belly and I'm Captain Hook. My mustache is twitching.

2. I have an intense amount of acid that's trying to make me vomit. Every burp is perilous. I took a tums. The 34$74rd was orange flavored. I hate orange flavor.

3. Did I tell you I bombed a quiz today. I'm so pissed about it.

4. My stove. The jerk stays clean for 5 minutes and then is dirty again. Why did anyone think white appliances were a good idea.

5. I'm gestating a baboon. He is swinging off my entrails like they're vines. Also he has the hiccups again. Their rhythm doesn't match the dripping of the faucet. Which. Makes. Me. Crazy.

6. I cleaned out three dresser drawers tonight, but my dang closet is still making me crazy.

7. Everything hurts. Every time I move, it hurts.

8. Laundry. I did four loads today and I already have another load I could do tomorrow. And I never change clothes. So is lady wearing my clothes??

9. I'm so jacked up right now that all I can think about is how bad I want to clean. Kitchen cabinet overhaul namely. And I want to scrub under my house plants [what the heck?!?] but I am also tired.

Seriously though. I might be up in the middle of the night scrubbing under houseplants.

Can I be done being pregnant now?

Drip.

Drip.
Hiccup.

Drip.

Hicdripcup.

Losing. My. $h!7. Up. In. Here.

internal assault

I've been under an internal assault.  This kid is out of room, and we have weeks and weeks to go.  

He's been hooking his feet under my ribs and dangling.

He sticks his limbs waaaay out my belly.

He's so big that he smashes into my stomach making me mad nauseous and causing heartburn so real that it wakes me up at one in the morning whimpering.  I had to sit up last night to try and coax the acid back down.  

My ribs hurt.  My back hurts.  My hips hurt.  My pelvis hurts.  

I'm done.  6 weeks left and I'm done.

How long have I been saying that?

The stripes make it look even bigger.  It has 6 weeks left to grow.

Also I gained almost 4 pounds in two weeks by having no appetite.  I have a true talent.

on sharing your pregnancy pillow

My pit bull thinks she's pregnant. Naturally. She sleeps all day long, after having slept all night. She expects to be waited on hand and foot. And worst of all, she expects to be allowed full use of my huge pregnancy pillow whenever her little heart desires. Which is often.

We're currently sharing it. I'm lucky I got her to move for long enough to squeeze myself into a spot. She's sleeping like a champ. I'm not. 

My graduate school classes started yesterday and I'm already overwhelmed about how I'm going to keep up with everything and take care of a baby. I just keep telling myself that it's been done before. 

We hit 33 weeks this week. I can't believe how much better my attitude is about 33 weeks than it was about 32. I got over the hump and now it all seems downhill from here. Except for the sharp incline right at the very end.... Oh we'll make it. And it will be wonderful!

Check out my killer puppy pants. Be jealous. 

Pregnancy pillow love. 

Lady needed a hug the other night. Seriously, too cute. 

thursday state of mind

It's already Thursday!  Praise the Lord!  That means one more day until I don't have to spend my whole day with just a pit bull.  She's not always the most social, although she did entertain me for about five minutes today when she tried to convince herself that she likes green peppers.  She tried her darndest, but could not get herself to chew it.

Tuesday was my midwife appointment and it also happened to be the day that Justin's friend's  wife gave birth to her little boy.  To say that I was green with envy would be the greatest understatement of the century.  I was so jealous and down on myself that I cried multiple times throughout the day and was ready to give up.  Why did she get to be cuddling her little boy and I had to suffer through this discomfort, just laying around for another eight weeks?  Poor Justin had to eat left overs for dinner when he got home to his moping wife.  He was so sweet about everything and told me that I was doing a good job, which always makes me feel better.

I got over my bad attitude finally, and channeled Scarlett O'hara yesterday and today and I've had a much better attitude.  Today I visited my doula and got another abdominal therapy.  I was worried it would cause me to have contractions, but it did the opposite.  My uterus hasn't been so calm in weeks.  It's back to its usual antics now, but I think that those therapies will be really beneficial.  Plus my sweet, wonderful doula made me feel better about being only 32 weeks along by making it seem like I don't have an eternity left in this.  She also reassured me that my child will not be neurotic from this crazy pregnancy [a very real fear I had].  And then that my next pregnancies won't be this hard.  I hope so much that that's true!

The theme of my next couple of days are GOOD ATTITUDE!  Plus I get to go meet Justin's friend's baby this weekend and I'm just jumping out of my skin to get a little preview of what it's going to feel like in a couple months.  Also I'm going to make banana bread.  How can you not have a good attitude when banana bread is involved?

blog from bed

Because I'm beat and my back hurts.

I may have dusted today.  And I may have wiped up the kitchen twice... or thrice.  I've lost track.  I also may have started the laundry, and baked two dozen monster cookies.  But no one can be sure.  Lady is my only witness, and she'll never tell.  Plus she stayed in bed until 12:30 pm today.  She hates the cold.

When I got up, it was 18 degrees below zero with a windchill of -43!  Hooo mama that's cold!  It's currently 11 below with a windchill of -37.  It's this horrid out and I didn't even notice until after noon that I forgot to turn my heat up, it was only 61 in the house.  I turned it up for Lady, but I felt fine.  Being pregnant is weird, have I mentioned that?

Tomorrow I have my 32 week appointment.  I can't believe it's so soon.  I feel like I was just there.  I doubt they'll tell me anything new.  They'll just tell me to hang in there and keep resting.  I hate resting  I felt like garbage all weekend.  Today was the first time I've felt good since Thursday.  I honestly thought I was in labor the other night because my contractions were so uncomfortable and regular.  Luckily they stopped being uncomfortable, went back to their normal selves,  and I was able to sleep.  I'm so excited to meet my little guy and have him outside.  It's amazing that I'm growing this little human, but I'm getting ready to meet him.  I had a meltdown last night that I technically still have 20 percent of this pregnancy left.  That feels like eons, despite the fact that 80 percent of it is behind me.  20 percent is still a decent chunk.  Plus I still have to make it through the delivery!

Our bathroom is making progress.  Justin sheet-rocked this weekend, so there are no more gaping holes in my wall.  It's beautiful.  I can't wait to get it all painted and put in our new toilet and vanity topper.  It's going to be a classy little guest bathroom.  Justin found the most perfect farmhouse near Des Moines yesterday and emailed it to me.  Naturally, I'm heartbroken because there's no way we could move there now and by the time we do get to move it'll be gone.  It's the house of my dreams.  Oh perhaps someday we'll find another...

Weekend phone pictures, etc. COMMENCE!

Lady needed to cuddle hardcore this weekend.  And pillows were a necessity.  Please excuse the dog toys and clean laundry.  

Extremely blurry.  And orange.  But here's the bump at 32 weeks.  80% there.  It still has 20% to grow.  Oh yikes!

two thousand fourteen

As per usual, I've made the resolute resolution to not make a New Year's resolution this year.  It's not my thing.  I fail myself all too often, and I'm hard enough on myself already.

This year looks like it's the year though.  The big one.  2012 was pretty big.  I had my first career.  I married the man of my dreams.  We bought our first house.  And got a mangy pit bull that turned into a beautiful stripey doofus of a pit bull with some love and nourishment.  2013 was a rebuilding year.  I tried to get healthy in the beginning, and then felt like it all came crumbling down when I had a cyst rupture on my ovary.  My Gram died in March, which wasn't unexpected, but it was significant nonetheless.  Then once barely recovered from the cyst explosion, and while riding the waves of a vegan diet gone horribly wrong leaving me feeling even more unhealthy, we found out about our little baby growing within me.

Both of us were scared.  We were concerned that the pregnancy wouldn't hold.  My body was a mess.  I had spent the last two months wracked with anxiety [the combination of a very bad situation at work and the scary cyst rupture did my nerves in], I lost a significant amount of weight and was registering on the BMI chart as "underweight."  Could my body take it?  It obviously hasn't been easy.  Luckily the Zofran helped me gain weight, and gain, and gain.  And the anxiety has slowly dissipated [though I fear that may be due to the pregnancy hormones and I worry it will come back with a vengeance when Ollie gets here].  None of the medical professionals were worried at all.  And I had no complications in early pregnancy.  If it hadn't been for the nausea, I would have been convinced at my 12 week ultrasound that there was no way I was growing another human.  But alas.  He was there.  Moving around more than I could have imagined, but not surprising me in the slightest just confirming that he is his father's busy child.

We found out he was for sure a he.  We've had our scares, but we have made it to 2014.  Still pregnant.  Thankfully, still pregnant.  We need to hold out for a few more weeks and then we can have our little guy whenever he's ready to make an appearance.  My dream would be that I could have as natural of a birth as possible, but if it requires medical intervention to make it safer, so be it.  I just want my guy safe.  In two weeks I start grad school.

So my un-resolutions overall are to be the best person I can be to be the best wife, mother, dog mother, student, etc. I'm doing this for me.  I'm going to try and be healthier, but that's always the goal, isn't it?  We took a step in that direction by purchasing a half of a cow and throwing it [with ridiculously pregnancy inspired organized fashion] in the most glorious and HUGE deep freeze we could buy.  I reasoned with Justin we needed a huge freezer because I plan on producing a lot of boob juice.  I'd like to start a backyard garden this year not only to be self-sufficient and try and save money on vegetables, but also to encourage myself to be outside in the sun to help myself and Ollie soak up some vitamin D.  We're getting a beautiful stroller with off road tires so that we can go on walks with our stripy pit bull both on our street and on the amazing trails by our house.  I've had such a hard time being positive that I'm going to try and see the best in situations instead of my normal drama queen meltdowns.  That one will require years of work, Rome wasn't built in a day...

This year will be hard.  No doubt about that.  The first month not being allowed to work.  Sitting at home trying not to be depressed about being bored.  Then finishing up a hard pregnancy and dealing with the sure exhaustion that comes with being new parents.  School is going to be harder than I can even imagine right now, especially with the aforementioned exhaustion.  Pathophysiology is no joke.  That being said, I'm ready.  I feel I've mentally prepared for what's ahead as much as possible and the rest of it is just going to be a complete leap of faith.  Let's do this 2014.