Lately my pit bull has been driving me bonkers. I don't' know what it is. Let me restate, I don't know what it is that has gotten into her to make her so annoying.
On Tuesday we got an epic March snow storm. It snowed to beat the band. An inch per hour. March snow is wet snow, heavy snow. Of course this just being our first year of homeownership, we have yet to purchase a snow blower. I beat Justin home, and ate over half of a Happy Joe's BLT pizza [let it be known, BLT is the best flavor of pizza] and felt like I should be a helpful and supportive wife. I shall shovel so that my knight in shining armor can make it safely into the driveway! This I boldly stated to myself and my Ladydog.
I put the aforementioned canine on her chain outside and set out into the tundra to partake in my first commitment to tundra removal in many a moon. I probably lifted about 16 shovels full of snow, but those shovels were HEAVY! Oofda. Lady hated it. She was barking like an idiot. Being a considerate and embarrassed neighbor, I decided it was time for this beast to be placated by putting her in the garage. This is where she goes when we aren't home lest she feel the need to take a poo on the rug or pee on my blanket. Again I say, MY BLANKET!!!
As I escorted her royal barkness to her throne room, she did a bunk. Pulled a fake. Blitzed the quarterback. So I called her. Lady, sillyhead, don't run up the driveway. Come back! Lady! LADY!
LADY!
Oh $&*%!
Picture a girl, not very big, in green hunter boots, a brown eskimo parka, and chartreuse mittens running like the wind after the skinniest, stripiest pit bull hell bent on getting the H out of here. She was gone. I panicked whilst I ran. Will the neighbors hate me? Will she jet out into the street and be squashed under a passerby? Will I throw up that pizza? Will Justin divorce me in the event of a lost forever dog? Will I slip on some well hidden ice? Seriously, am I going to upchuck this pizza? Then as I yelled "STAY" my pit bull finally came to a stop about 5 or 6 houses down. She kept trying to skulk away from me. I used my angriest mom voice [you have to practice before you need to use it for real] and finally was able to grab her by the collar. She wouldn't come willingly, so I carried my 50 pound pit bull back to the house. Then I called her grandmother. Her grandmother was disappointed by her choices. She then made excuses for the pit bull because she loves her to pieces. On days again like today I don't quite understand why.
So far today she has tried to lick the clean dishes in the dishwasher maniacally, tried to remove all of the pillows and cushions from the couch and chair, told me THREE times that she needs to go outside only to be put on her chain to sniff at the snow and cast judging glares into the neighbor's yard, tried to assault me on the couch because I was on the computer and not spooning her [spooning is kind of her thing], and last but not least, turned on my caps lock.
She's currently curled up next to me sleeping, her ears and eyelids twitching. I guess she's pretty cute.
This is our B-E-A-UTIFUL new couch that was delivered yesterday. It's everything I wanted in a couch. Plus. Seriously those pillows.
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